What are the guards talking about ?

 Hello all,

A quick random table today as a warm-up. Roll d6 once for each column.

Feel free to tweak, develop, adapt to your game and setting, if you wish so. I mean, if you're reading an OSR blog, it's probably obvious to you, but restating the importance of a care-free DIY attitude cannot hurt, right ?

On to the silly table. (I'll perhaps do some proper table layout once I'm not on mobile, sorry) 

You're infiltrating a castle / dungeon / guarded place of interest. You managed to sneak successfully near a room where two of the guards (not necessarily human guards) are conversing idly, and you're eavesdropping.

What are they talking about ? 

Guard A tells guard B about how...

Column 1

1 ...one of their in-laws... 

2 ...their own child... 

3 ...their boss / officer... 

4 ...the local authority (count/ess, duke/duchess, marquis/e, head of the city council...) 

5 ...their favourite sibling... 

6 ...they themselves...

Column 2

1 ...have recently become addicted to...

2 ...have definitely given up on...

3 ...are intensely repulsed by...

4 ...have been proselytized by a bunch of weirdos the other day about...

5 ...are, right now, really contemplating...

6 ...have made quite a bit of money with...

Column 3 (this one's a d12, folks, sorry)

1 ...social justice for all

2 ...social interaction in general

3 ...the idea of flirting with coworkers

4 ...dragon sightseeing

5 ...gladiator bets

6 ...the virtues of the good ol' plain cabbage soup

7 ...sunday meetings of the cult of the Dark Blood Death

8 ...the pirate life

9 ...this whole "hygiene" thing

10 ...castle personnel unions

11 ...raspberry farming

12 ...unicorn horn powder

Column 4 — And it's... 

1 ..."funny that it's finally happening to them too !" 

2 ..."intensely distressing right now, pal. Got another beer ?" 

3 ..."very unusual for them, you know ?" 

4 ..."absolutely disgusting !" 

5 ..."giving me hope / relief for once" 

6 ..."making me jealous. Really jealous"

 

Let's end with an example I just rolled ! It is very important to playtest your silly tables. :)

Guard Alan tells guard Beryl about how their captain Claudia has been proselytized by a bunch of weirdos the other day, about the virtues of the good ol' plain cabbage soup. It's absolutely disgusting ! On the street, in broad daylight ! Why can't these guys let people enjoy their spices in peace, huh ? Why must that new bland-food movement try and ruin everyone's meals ? I tell ya, these travelers from that island up north are up to no good. If you ask me, the Duchess oughta keep'em outside of our borders and away from our kitchens ! Etc.

(You will also note that I have no idea how to write accurate spoken English accents)